Why I Write This Blog
I’m reading a book about vulnerability . . . Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly. She first did a TED talk about vulnerability. The talk went viral, with over ten million people watching it. Now it’s a book, which says the “secret sauce” to living a wholehearted life is being vulnerable. Laying it out there. Holding nothing back.
So I decided to be vulnerable . . . really vulnerable . . . and lay it all out there. From the heart. No false humility. Not looking for pity or a pat on the back. More than a little afraid of what you’ll think and say. But here goes.
I want you (and everyone) to grasp God’s love for them. It changed everything for me and ever since He overwhelmed me with His love, I’ve been on fire (sometimes too much so) to get everyone else on board. That’s an okay motive, I think.
But the other motive at work in me is that I want to matter. I crave attention and words of affirmation. To be approved and loved. When Proverbs says, “All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the motives,” he was talking to me. I’m a mixed bag of motives. Only God knows which are clean and which are self-focused.
Over the years, there’ve been times when I’ve tried to use God to matter. (I’m not proud of that and it was never consciously, but definitely true.) Other times, (I hope most of the time) I’ve thanked God and lived out of gratitude and a pure purpose. Even with these mixed motives and a jacked-up, hyperactive mind, I have stayed passionate for Jesus.
I write this blog for three reasons . . .
- To leave a legacy – I don’t want to die without writing down what God has shown me. “You make known to me the path of life,” says Proverbs 16:11. I’m not responsible for what I don’t know, but I am responsible for what I do. I want to pour my cup into the cups of those coming behind me. I want my children and my children’s children to know how awesome God is and how much He loves them. And I want to hand down whatever wisdom He’s handed me.
- To continue to mentor my guys – I’ve tried but haven’t found a way to keep the Radical Mentoring growth experience going with guys who’ve commenced from my group. This blog is an effort to keep “speaking into the lives” of those I’ve spent a year mentoring.
- Inspiration to mentor – My life has been more enriched by mentoring younger men than by anything else I’ve done . . . in business or ministry. I write to inspire you to invest in the lives of others for spiritual purposes.
No matter how hard I try not to, I’ll probably keep trying to fix people, be guilty of jamming the Gospel down their throats, and sometimes come across as a self-righteous know-it-all. If I’ve tried to fix you . . . I’m sorry. Really. If I’ve tried to jam Jesus (or mentoring) down your throat, I’m sorry (sort of). And if I’ve come across as a self-righteous know-it-all, I’m truly sorry. I am not confused about who I am and what little I know. I am a sinner, saved by His marvelous grace, living out of a grateful heart, overwhelmed by His goodness, mercy, and love . . . sometimes trying too hard to help, to make a difference, and to matter.
So there you have it. Vulnerability. Brené Brown says we all feel squeamish after we’ve opened ourselves up and been vulnerable. I think I’m headed for an uneasy day.
Question: Will you pursue vulnerability with me?
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Responses (35)
Thanks for sharing in such a transparent way. It encourages the rest of us to do the same.
Thank you Steve. I’ll be praying for you and your family. Tough times. I’ve been through it. I’m now a 63 year old orphan, but thankfully, I’ve been adopted. I appreciate your encouraging words and all your support.
Thank you Regi!
Tonight is my launch night as I start my first experience facilitating
as God mentors a group of 8 young men over the course of the
next year. I pray that as I share my faith story that I can be as
vulnerable as you have been in this blog today. May God get all
the glory!
Brian Olmstead
Brian, we will be praying for you!! A good friend of mine and I are currently doing our first group together and our launch night was in April. You will be amazed by the warm reception you will get from your guys as you model transparency and vulnerability as Regi described.
Brian, please let us know how it went. I think many were praying for your launch night. Very cool…thanks for sharing!
Thank you Regi! The meeting went great! I believe there was a real excitement in the men
and a great Presence of The Lord. I certainly appreciate each one’s prayers! My faith story
lasted about an hour and we got done about 10:10. Scheduling went very smoothly. Everyone
showed up right on time to start the meeting. I feel very blessed!
Reggie this is GREAT! I struggle with the same passion and insecurity. Your transparency inspired me today. So grateful!
He is enough.
Beautiful & authentic post.
Thank you Mark. You are a blessed man. Thanks for your love and friendship.
Regi, when I grow up my dream is to be like you…more transparent and vulnerable. Several months ago I came across the same TED Talks by Brene’ and found them to be very refreshing and encouraging. I think you hit her theme’ on the head as you have Dared Greatly by demonstrating vulnerability. It enders you to other people and it has endeared me to you. Reminds me of the profound quote from Bo’s Café were Carlos tells Steven, “what if there was a safe enough place where you could tell the worst about yourself and not be loved or respected less, but more…your vulnerability has caused all of us to love you more…
Thank you Regi – count me as one that appreciates, respects and loves you!
Sometimes I wonder if my motives are not “clean” just because I am aware that there is a benefit to following God’s principles. Among other things, thanks for the reminder that the ultimate judge of motives is God and that I need to look to Him for guidance and correction (when necessary).
That’s a danger for all of us. Thankfully, He loves us lavishly even in our humanity and mixed motives. Isn’t that cool?
Just like you have been teaching us in the group – vulnerability is essential for true authentic relationships. With others and with the Father. Great post!
Thanks Chad.
Are you kidding? You’re headed for a great day. Regi, I’ve alternatingly admired you, feared you, looked up to you, even resented you. But I’ve never questioned your passion for and love of the Lord. Everyone follows Jesus in their own way, respite with the baggage of our sin and shortcomings that we drag along with us. I’m just thankful to God that you refused to remain silent about Him in spite of your own. Just keep pressing on for His glory. The war is far from over.
Wisely worded and authentic. Your words continue to be a source of encouragement to me as I try to do my best to mentor young men with all of the same stumbling blocks you mention. Thank you for what you do. Truly your writing in this blog is excellent and one of the few I read and forward to others.
We are all undoubtedly broken men with mixed motives being redeemed by our glorious LORD and Teacher Jesus Christ.
Thanks be to God for you and your ministry. May it continue to prosper and bear much fruit.
Thanks Joel. I appreciate your encouragement.
BTW, lest I forget to mention the impact your passion for mentoring has had on me. I’ve read your books, and reflected on your mentoring-centric life. And although I’ve adopted a different model than yours since I exclusively mentor sexually addicted men, the impact on both them and me has been no less significant than what you’ve so aptly described – life changing!
Over the past 3 years I’ve personally mentored about 35 men, most of whom stuck with my one year sexual integrity discipleship program. Most are now experiencing freedom from sexual addiction for the 1st time in their lives. Those who were married when they first found me were on the verge of divorce. All are still married today, are sexually sober, and are living the redemptive life.
Mentoring has allowed me to do all of this, and to use my hard earned wisdom and leverage it for His glory as their “sherpa guide” on freedom’s journey. What a blessing it is to have a front row seat to this glorious process of redemption. Everything you’ve claimed about mentoring others is TRUE.
Soon, I’ll be launching BraveHearts Mentors and training a new cadre of freedom fighters with a similar story of redemption from sexual sin to multiply the ministry. It’s our way of “paying it forward.” So let’s all keep investing in others, raising up new mentors, and expanding God’s kingdom the way Jesus did.
‘way to go Michael!
For anyone interested in the TED Talk videos by Brene’ Brown that Regi referenced here is the link to her website. http://www.brenebrown.com/videos/
The more current Talk on Shame is a good compliment to “Bo’s Café”, if by chance you use that as a resource which by the way is an excellent first book for a RMG.
Thanks Scott…anxious to hear how your group is shaking out.
I’ve saved a lot of these in the past, but never commented…
“why I write this blog”….honest & very inspiring!
Thanks Geoff
Regi- it goes against what I grew up being taught about being a “real man”, but your transparency and vulnerability causes me to respect you more not less, trust your teachings more not less, and promote your work more not less… Thank you for helping me get the key in the lock in multiple areas of my own life and walk with God
Thanks Josh. My day was a lot better than I thought!
Regi,
That Brene Brown talk is impacting so many people and organizations at so many levels.
It’s really spoken to me in terms of courage and the vital part that vulnerability has in being courageous.
Being willing to be courageous in times of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure, in my personal opinion is one of the most irresistible qualities one can have. Partner it up with sanctification and you can’t help but to see transformation.
In coffee talks with Chuck B, he’s imparted in me the truth that courage and vulnerability come from a desire and willingness to fall deeper in love with Jesus. Funny how everything always seems to lead back to Jesus! 🙂
I pray you have many many more blog posts in that head and heart of yours.
Thanks Todd!
Brilliant post. I’ve learned that in order to truly minister others, you must be willing to expose your weaknesses…You must be willing to be vulnerable. It goes against our every instinct, but that’s the only way to let others see how strong God can make you.
Thank you for writing this blog and for putting yourself out there in order to save others. It takes a lot of courage to do that.
God Bless.
I appreciate your encouragement Alex.
I lost a job on the advice to be a little more vulnerable – more open to criticism, apologized to a group of peers (tough stuff!); actively sought advice (perceived as weakness).
It was the best thing that could have happened to me. I moved to a new job in another state, found and joined a great community of believers, married and started supporting various mission groups.
We don’t see the shell of hardness that grows around our hearts living too close to the world. When the shell cracks, God opens new opportunities to serve and save. I am a blessed man, indeed.
Regi,
I am so happy that you discovered one of my favorite authors! Watching Brene’s TED talk 2 years ago was so life-giving to me- I felt known- like she had been living in my mind and heart for years! One idea that I took away was that being vulnerable with a few trusted friends (or at least one)- releases shame from its suffocating embrace. I love her ability to share her story with humor, honesty and humility.
These are also qualities I love about you! Thank you for living a life of intentionality! To pursue me and my husband and to fight for us truly brings tears to my eyes and comfort to my heart. In our busy world, there are not many people that seek to invest their time, gifts, or hearts into others…but YOU do and it does not go unnoticed. So as I read your blog- know that God is speaking through you (even when you are “pushy” :-)). I am energized by knowing that I, too, can leave a legacy in the lives of my husband, children, friends and those I mentor through sharing my own story of courage and resiliency in hopes that it will inspire them to know the God that longs to love them deeply.
With much love and gratitude, Edie
Regi,
I enjoy your mentoring blogs and have never told you.
They speak so clearly into my life.
My bother told me about your blog and said it was favoured by a Minster friend of ours- Rice Brooks.
Love your stuff. Keep writing.
Dan
Mellbourne Australia
Regi
Several years ago, I took a group of 5 guys through “Next Gen” mentoring. Was a fantastic year. The group could not have been more diverse. (one the manager of a distribution facility for a major company – one who works in the warehouse with/for him – a computer guy who owns his own company that builds websites and advertising campaigns – one who works with a non-profit helping with ‘life skills’ issues – and one a teacher and coach who is too sick to ever coach or teach again. The guys got closer than we could have imagined and benefitted way more than we expected.
As a result, I began to get your blog. I read it daily. To be honest, some days are good for me, some days are really good, but lately, it’s been ‘out-of-the-park’ for me. I was reading what I had missed while on vacation and a number of them hit me pretty close to home.
In reading this one on why you do this, I just wanted to encourage you to keep on writing. I heard Brene Brown 2 weeks ago at the Leadership Summit….quite a lady! Courage through the roof to be so transparent! Make you a deal… you keep on writing and I’ll keep on reading?
We need authenticity….the truth in love (Eph 4:15). Thanks for a great example!
In His Grip
Gordon MacLeod
Couldn’t agree more Gordon. Thanks for the encouragement. I’ll keep writing…just for you.