Who is ‘They’?
“A person gets his identity in life based on how the most important person in his life sees him.”
— Charles Cooley, Looking Glass Self
Loser? Sinner? Poser? Stranger? Orphan? Winner? Leader? Handsome? Ugly? Too fat? Too thin? Too ruddy? Too pretty? Too slow? Too abrasive? Too gregarious?
Most of us get defined by people we can’t even name. Starting about middle school, ‘they’ becomes the most powerful voice in our lives. “They expect me to do what they do, dress how I dress, say what I say. Otherwise, I’m ostracized and I don’t exist anymore.”
College? Same deal. They expect me to look like this, talk like that, pledge a fraternity, join in whatever partying ‘everybody’ is doing. (I’m told everybody and they are first cousins!) Finish school and they look down on you if you move back home or if you struggle to find a job or you stop doing what everybody did in college.
Starting a career changes . . . nothing. They expect you to work late every night and on weekends. They favor people who have MBAs. They expect you to stop in for drinks after work, take clients to strip clubs, not rat them out for stuff they’re doing. They talk a good game about leadership, but you see how the rubber actually meets the road.
Talk about they…think about church. What will they think if I raise my hands in worship? They still don’t like me riding my motorcycle to church. I’d go to church there but they aren’t real keen on people like me.
All this is confession. I’m ashamed to say how much of this I did in my early years. I missed 3 years of my kids’ lives working on an MBA because they would like me and promote me faster. Even if they did, I look back now and ask “So what?”
They usually exists in our heads. We put together a composite of our worst fears and ascribe the anticipated judgment to they. Few mentors or parents will ever push hard for us to think about who they are and why their voice is important to us.
Maturity starts with becoming comfortable with yourself.
With being defined, not by they but by Him. When I grasped God’s personal love for me, everything changed. The Creator of the universe knows my name. Amazing. I’m worth something. I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. He knew me before He formed me. Before there was a gleam in my father’s eye. When I ask “What would you have me know today, Lord? and the next thought is “I love you Regi”, I’m blown away. No matter how many times I ask and He tells me, I’m in complete awe.
We are defined by our Heavenly Father, not by they. We are chosen Sons. We are new creations in Christ. He is the great ‘I AM’ and you’re his child. You are somebody because He made you, called you to be His, and loves you extravagantly in your humanity.
Take an inventory of your strengths, your talents & gifts, the unique things God’s built into you so far. Sit in those words for a while. Figure out who they are for you and fire them. Send them packing. Start anew being yourself, listening to the voice of your Heavenly Father instead of they or the voice of your own self-doubt.
Embrace and enjoy being who God made you to be.
Everyone who is called by My name, And whom I have created for My glory, Whom I have formed, even whom I have made.” Isaiah 43:7
(P.S. There’s no they anywhere in that verse!)
Question: Who is your they? Share with us here
Breathe New Life Into Your Discipleship
Small group mentoring can help you engage your people, build your core group of leaders, and transform your church. Our free resources equip you with all the tools you need to launch a sustainable mentoring program.
Responses (1)
Over the years I have considered the “they’s” in my life and confronted them with who God has said that I am. For me its the voices of the first grade teacher that said ” you are lazy”, the father that said “you are worthless,” the kids in high school that said “you aren’t cool.” At the end of the day all I really need to hear is the voice of my Lord saying “you are fearfully and wonderfully made,” ” well done good and faithful servant,” and I love you with an everlasting love.” I don’t hear those criticisms as much anymore because I have chosen to listen to the voice of The Lord.
Thanks for the reminder today!