The Partial Fool
When I run across a principle that’s helpful, I write about it here. When I find one that’s particularly helpful, I might write about it twice.
Dr. Henry Cloud’s teaching on dealing with foolish people is one of those.
Refresher: The definition of a foolish man is one who doesn’t evaluate his experience and doesn’t learn from his mistakes. They’re defensive, play the ‘blame-game’, and make excuses. They don’t listen . . . don’t take responsibility and constantly play the ‘victim’ card. They’re a lot of work!
How do you deal with a foolish person?
Since they don’t listen, Cloud says to stop talking . . . it’s a waste of time. Lay out consequences and let them bounce around until they find the truth for themselves. The ‘school of hard knocks’ may be their best educational alternative. Set boundaries so they can’t hurt you, your organization or your family in the process.
Most people I’ve met aren’t 100% foolish. They’re ‘partial fools’, dealing wisely with some things but foolishly with others. We used to say they had a ‘blind spot’ . . . an area of performance or personality a person doesn’t have the willingness or ability to ‘see’ about themselves. For example, I know a person who’s extremely wise in relationships. Loves people, great listener, and gives wise counsel. But they have no ‘executive ability’ to manage time, get things done, set or manage priorities. Any approach to these ‘executive’ issues brings defensiveness, avoidance and blame. Is this person a ‘fool’? No, not at all! But in the area of time and priority management, you’d have to say they’re foolish because they don’t learn, don’t engage in any effort to improve, and they’re defensive when the subject is raised.
I believe Cloud’s approach can help us deal with a specific area of foolishness without writing off the whole person as a fool. For the person who’s wise in relationships, engage with them, give and take wisdom and leverage their strengths. Where they’re foolish and unwilling to develop themselves, stop talking about it. Lay out non-negotiable, specific consequencesto be faced as a result of what they do (or don’t do). Set specific boundaries so they don’t hurt you or others. Then pray they’ll be humbled soon and as gently as possible in order that they may grow wise.
After all, the antidote to foolishness, whether full or partial, is humility. James 4:6 reminds us that …
“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”
Dealing with foolish people as Cloud suggests will free you up. Boundaries and consequences put the responsibility for their decisions and growth on them . . . where it belongs. And if you choose to redeem the time and energy spent with fools and hang out with wise people instead, you’ll almost surely go further faster.
Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.
Proverbs 13:20
Prayer – “Lord, please lead me perceive but not judge . . . to be firm, fair and forward-thinking as I set boundaries and establish consequences for foolish behavior. Help me see others as you see them . . . to love and forgive them as you love and forgive me. In the beautiful name of Jesus, Amen.”
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Responses (4)
Great thoughts Reggie. I know that I as I deal with others I need to always remember there is a partial fool in my own life.
A great post for a manager in the business world too. Thanks! Also – that dude in the photo looks like more than a “partial” fool…..is that pizza on his shirt?
Beware the Bible says you will be in danger of being sent to Hell for calling someone a fool,MATTHEW 5:22.In the original Hebrew text of the Bible the meaning of the word fool is stupid or uneducated , since God made everyone and everything he takes it personal when you call someone a fool, it is a reflection on him, like if you were to call someones son a fool,it would reflect on his father, who raised him.
Yes, I get that. But saying someone is foolish, particularly in a specific area is a bit different from what I think He’s warning about in Matthew.