Mentoring Kids
Maybe the most frequent question coming our way is about mentoring young guys…like teenagers, college kids and young singles. There’s even the question of adding ‘mentor’ to the ‘father’ role with our own kids. How do we take what Jesus did with His group and leverage it to individuals…especially younger ones who aren’t going to read a lot of stuff, may not be easily ‘grouped, and may not be as self-motivated as more mature men?
Consider these 5 guiding principles….
1. You gotta’ love ‘em – Don’t put yourself out there as a mentor for someone you don’t love….like truly, willingly love. Love is a choice you make, and if you aren’t willing to make that choice and stick with it, don’t step into the mentor role. Also, you can’t minister to someone you don’t love….they will know and whatever you say will fall on deaf ears or receive a half-hearted response.
2. You gotta’ have permission – At the outset, there’s a conversation that ends with “If I’m willing to mentor you, are you up for it?” Ultimately, you’ll work out how long, what purpose, what topics, and what the process will be. But none of that matters unless you offer to mentor and he accepts your offer & wants to be mentored.
3. You gotta’ have a process – The difference between mentoring, fathering and friendship is that mentoring involves an intentional process or routine. We don’t have a lot of information about Jesus’ process, but we know he… a) talked about and set up a subject… b) gave an assignment … c) sent them out… d) debriefed what they experienced doing the assignment and then…. e) made His point of learning fresh from their experience in the real world. No matter how often you meet with your mentee, whether the assignment is to read something, practice something, or try something for the first time, this process is a good one for experiential learning and growth.
4. You gotta’ be authentic – The ‘secret sauce’ of mentoring lies in the transparency of a mentor who’s humble and real. That means he’s willing to share his experiences and especially his failures around the things he’s working through with his mentee. We gain moral authority with younger people through what we’ve done, not what we’ve said. They have an unlimited supply of people telling them how to do things right, but it’s rare to find someone who’ll tell them about doing it wrong, what they learned and what they’d do different if they got a ‘do-over’.
5. You gotta’ be safe – A mentor has a steely grit that says “I’m with you and for you regardless of what you’ve done or what you do”. Young people aren’t going to ‘march in line’ and do things according to plan. They’re going to come in with stuff that’ll make you queasy and uncomfortable. A good mentor remembers that he’s living his own life and he’s not responsible for what his young mentee does or doesn’t do…he has God-given free will to succeed or fail, to follow or rebel, to gain wisdom or ignore it.
Bottom line? Have clear expectations for yourself and the kid before you launch into this. Don’t mentor a kid to ‘fix’ him. And don’t mentor to feel good about yourself. Do your mentoring work “as to the Lord, for it is the Lord Christ that you serve”. Remember…you’re mentoring out of your love for God, your love for your mentee, out of gratitude for what He’s done for you, for His glory alone.
Question: Will you promise to be careful as you engage young people in mentoring relationships? Share here…
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Responses (1)
Good insight Regi. I would also add to the list that you have to be available…constantly. Theirs is a generation which communicates quickly and electronically. You’ll get a ton of questions once the young guys recognize you are “safe” to communicate with. Commit the time to answering by text, email, and phone right away, before they reach conclusions influenced by their other safe environment – friends. That resource typically tells them what they want to hear and whatever is easiest. I’ve found that the secret sauce is to be first with the recommendation to maximize influence!