Maturity is Not Acting on Everything You Know
I learned an important lesson once. Learned it deeply because a mentor of mine had the maturity to not act on something he knew.
In a casual, friendly conversation with a banker one day, I made an ‘off the wall’ wisecrack about something that was going on inside the company that had bought ours. It wasn’t confidential information. It was criticism of what I thought was an obviously bad decision.
Three years later, I’m sitting with my mentor who is now on the board of that company and we’re talking about people being critical. Knowing when to speak and when to be quiet. Someone we knew was being hypercritical and I was going on and on about how he should be respectful and keep his opinions to himself. My mentor looked at me and said something that let me know he’d heard about the criticism I’d shared with that banker three years back. He had sat on that information for three years and waited for the perfect teachable moment. It was embarrassing. It was humbling. It hurt like crazy, but I got it. I mean I really got it.
I admire that quality in a mentor. The ability to observe, perceive, hypothesize, and crystalize an insight for someone but not act on it. To ‘hold it loosely’ and wait for the perfect moment to unpack it for maximum impact and learning. He has to care about me to watch. Even more to remember what might help me… but not act. To hold the lesson until the student is ready to learn.
Isn’t that the way God works with us?
He doesn’t miss a thing. He knows where we’re weak…where we’re prideful, arrogant, self-righteous. He has the truth we need, but He’ll often hold it while we struggle, flail around, and wear ourselves out. At just the right moment when we’re humble enough to see ourselves clearly and learn what He wants us to learn, He hits us with it. In love.
As a mid-level “field” manager in a large company, it was easy to be critical of corporate staff decisions. When I moved into the head office, I got a different perspective. My boss said, “Up here, we know things they don’t know out there. We see things they don’t see.” Sounded arrogant, but it was true.
Imagine the complexity of the relationships and motives our Heavenly Father sees every day. In every single one, He’s working to grow His kids in their faith and influence. And to draw everyone else to become His kids.
If you’re wearing yourself out trying to teach your employees, kids, team, or mentees important things, maybe you’d do better by holding back some of the truth until they’re ready to learn. It requires a lot more patience for sure. But I can tell you the lesson I learned from a man who didn’t act on all he knew still resonates with me today.
Question: Do you have the maturity to not act on everything you know? Tell us about it here…
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Responses (11)
Great post.
I have seen this at work before and you are absolutely on the money. I have to check myself every time and be more aware of what I say , where i say it and to whom. Scripture actually tells me that my words in many occasions should be few. To have the patience you mention is very difficult, but time always reveals that sometimes to pause is the best decision. I am still learning everyday. One thing I know I am lacking is a mentor of my own. I know it will come in due time, and for that I need patience. Thanks for this post.
DM
I agree Daniel. Sometimes we get in the way. Our words of advice are received as criticism and we create a distraction from what God might be teaching. We gotta’ stay focused on Him, listening to what He would have us say. And not try to “fix” people.
Ouch… That one hurts…
It won’t leave a mark. He’s just calling us to listen to Him and obey His voice, minute by minute, remark by remark.
Such a good point: be quick to listen, slow to speak…and be timely when you finally do say what is needed.
You got it Ron. Now let’s live it!
Absolutely. Have been studying Esther again. Timing is everything. When to speak/do and when to hold back, sit tight. Wait. In love and persuaded by the Spirit’s leading move forward with … whatever.. Having four grown children of my own, it’s true for them as well as for me, as you pointed out. The Master’s timing is always perfect, and He teaches us that. Learning that and putting it into practice as his disciple is sometimes well, less than easy. ugh.
Thank you for sharing your personal example and insight.
I believe the Holy Spirit is often at work convicting individuals on “heart” matters. Throwing the hand grenade of criticism or confrontation might distract one from the voice of God, getting them all “balled up” and defensive rather than humble and teachable. When the Spirit has time to work, and we’re led by Him to finally share something we know that can help, God may move that person further faster as a result.
Regi, after reading your blogs for sometime now, I have come to the opinion that you are a very wise and loving man. I don’t know if it appropriate to share that with you now or wait until the term “wise old man” has more cronological validity. Then again, I am still learning. Keep it up please!
Both wisdom and old age are gifts from God. The trick is to be grateful for whatever He gives us instead of anxious about what He doesn’t. A work in progress….
Sound teaching and obviously biblically instructive. My only concern is holding back TOO LONG and being able to remember it . A definite issue as we get older unless something occurs that sparks your memory to,share it with the person who was hypercritical.