Judge Not
When mentors first connect with their mentees, there’s a natural tendency to jump right into ‘judgment’ mode.
From Jim Ryman’s version of Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest . . .
“The average Christian is the most piercingly critical individual known. Criticism is one of the ordinary activities of people, but in the spiritual realm nothing is accomplished by it. The effect of criticism is the dividing up of the strengths of the one being criticized. The Holy Spirit is the only one in the proper position to criticize, and He alone is able to show what is wrong without hurting and wounding. It is impossible to enter into fellowship with God when you are in a critical mood. Criticism serves to make you harsh, vindictive, and cruel, and leaves you with the soothing and flattering idea that you are somehow superior to others. Jesus says that as His disciple, you should cultivate a temperament that is never critical.”
Easier said than done.
We all have our own picture of what should be said and done. When people don’t say or do what we think they should, it’s totally natural for us to think critical thoughts. “Wow, that wasn’t good.” Or “How thoughtless!” “How careless!” “How insensitive!” “How selfish!” At home, when the thought turns into words streaming out of my mouth, they often start with the personal pronoun ‘you.’ Nothing good happens at my house when I start a sentence with “you.” What usually follows is . . . “You never __________,” “You always __________,” “If only you would __________.”
Chambers says we’re usually trying to find a reason to think more highly of ourselves when we criticize. He writes . . .
“You must constantly beware of anything that causes you to think of yourself as a superior person.”
Jesus leveled the playing field when He said that seeing a speck in someone else’s eye masks the fact that we have a timber in our own (Matthew 7:3-5). Paul carries it further in Romans 2:17-24 when he says that in condemning others, we are condemning ourselves. Someone taught me this along the way (and it’ll tweet!) . . . What I find wrong in someone else is exactly what scares me to death about me.
In the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, one of the four dichotomies places ‘judging’ versus ‘perceiving’ . . . when you take the tests, your results lean towards one or the other. You are either a J or a P. Are we J’s . . . more apt to judge someone and open our mouths about it? (“There is almost always one more fact, which we know nothing about, in every person’s situation,” says Chambers.) Or are we P’s who can we discipline ourselves to perceive others with love, try to understand them better and love them regardless of what they say and do? A goal I’ve had for the last few years is to move from J to P, from judging to perceiving. If I can engage with a mentee (or anyone), listen to what they say and try to understand them instead of judging them, I will be a better mentor and friend. You can’t ‘minister’ to someone you judge.
There’s no doubt critical thoughts will come. It’s part of our flesh. But the ability to exercise self-control, to perceive without judging, and most of all, to keep our mouths shut and our minds open, will come only by walking with Jesus. Maturity is not saying everything you think. Moving from judging to perceiving is a move toward maturity. And a move towards Jesus.
Are you more of a J or a P? Comment here.
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Responses (7)
Great word, Regi. Thanks! I’m a P in progress. The J is always readily available when I open my mouth……..
Great stuff! I think judgement comes from fear. Perception and discernment come from compassion.
“Christianity is one beggar telling another beggar where he found bread.”
D.T. NILES, New York Times, May 11, 1986
Amen
Starting our third RM group tonight. We’ll be doing the Myers-Briggs Type Inventory with all my guys later in the year. The MBTI is a great instrument, and there are a few free versions online that aren’t quite as accurate as the full-length assessment, but it does the trick to get a conversation started about personality preferences.
Regi,
Love your blogs. I rarely post comments on anything online, but fell compelled to respond to a common misconception regarding the MBTI. The J and P, although called Judging and Perceiving, do not indicate one is prone to judging people or are better at being perceptive and open to others. MBTI is a great tool to determine preferences, but no one preference is better than another. It just indicates that J’s prefer order and predicibility and P’s prefer a more spontaneous less structured path. Both J and P preferences are positive and shouldn’t be associated with negative behaviors.
Best regards,
John
I think we are to judge in some form everyday. The bible says love your brother as yourself. The last thing I want to do is go to hell. Why would I allow a brother to live in sin that would send him to hell. There are numerous scriptures that support judging fellow Christians…in love.
I just finished a Small Group topic on judging, some push back until scripture came into play.
To further your quote, read the last line of quoted scripture…
Matthew 7:3-5 Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4“Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? 5“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
Not sure where you’d find that in Scripture. “Judge not, that ye be judged” is pretty clear. I think we’re to DISCERN truth from error, but the judging job is exclusively God’s. It’s difficult to love or minister to someone we’ve judged. And loving others is clearly God’s charge to us, regardless of their performance.