insults

Great Insults . . .

My friend Rod sent this the other day. It harkens back to the days when insults required more thought than ‘4 letter words’ or references to the other guy’s mother. Enjoy these but don’t use them. We’re trying to help you be better, not worse . . .

A member of Parliament to Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He had delusions of adequacy.”
-Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
-Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
-Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
-William Faulkner on Ernest Hemingway.

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
-Moses Hadas

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
-Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
-Oscar Wilde

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill: “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.”
Winston Churchill, in response: “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second . . . if there is one.”

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
-Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
-John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
-Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
-Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
-Paul Keating

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”
-Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
-Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
-Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
-Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts—for support rather than illumination.”
-Andrew Lang

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
-Billy Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.”
-Groucho Marx

Scripture: For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven . . . a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; (Ecclesiastes 3:1&4, emphasis mine)

Mentor Tip: True community includes laughter. Look for opportunities to lead your guys to laughter and levity.

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