Give Up On Some Goals
I’ve got pieces of paper with goals I set 40 years ago. I set goals when I was 10 years old, saving enough money to buy my first car when I turned 14. I’ve set goals for weight, running, working out, income, savings, and giving. All okay things.
A couple of years ago, I heard a sermon challenging me to set some “be” goals. I went back through the obituary I’d written for myself (o.k., I admit that’s weird) and figured out how I’d have to ‘be’ if good stuff was to be said about me when I was dead. Like if I wanted my wife to say “Regi was the most patient husband a woman could ever want”, I’d better start being more patient. So I set a goal…”Be more patient”. Get it?
I even went so far as spelling out the consequences of ‘being’ and ‘not being’ more of these things- of making my goals or failing to. Here’s what I wrote…
“Be” goal “If I succeed, I’ll be more…” “If I don’t, I’ll be more….”
Joyful happy, I’ll make Christ more sullen, repulsive, and self-righteous
Patient peaceful, full of faith and love driven, anxious, and judgmental
Compassionate soft-hearted, helpful, useful cold, selfish and disconnected
Gentle lovable and safe harsh and scary
Careful sensitive and trustworthy rushed and unnerving
Embracing accepting- my faith will be self righteous, judgmental
attractive to “outsiders” and ‘standoff-ish”
Intentional productive, useful wasteful and selfish
Tenacious useful, productive role model weak, wasteful, “all talk”
Grateful selfless, joyful, humble in heart sullen, proud, empty
Present peaceful, slower, useful, more distracted, lonely, hurried
appreciative of God
Humble teachable, attentive arrogant and proud
How could you say anything bad about these goals? Who wouldn’t want to be more of those things? Have more of those characteristics in their personalities?
That’s not the problem.
What I learned is I can’t do this. I fail at “being more_____________”. I can’t change myself this way.
And more, God won’t do it for me, as harsh as that sounds. He won’t make me more gentle. Or more grateful, or more present.
What I’m figuring out is if I want to be these things, I have to let His Spirit live in me. He’s already these things. He doesn’t have to do anything, because He is. I just have to invite Him in – He’ll bring those traits with Him. I need to acknowledge Him and stay aware of His presence. Make Him predominant in my thoughts. I have to talk to Him… keep Him close all day long if I want these attitudes to be my attitudes-these traits to be my traits.
Most of these traits are found in Galatians 2:22-23. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” They’re what grows out of the Spirit of God. What grows out of me are just the opposite…things like apathy, unhappiness, discontent, impatience, rudeness, meanness, deception, haughtiness, and self- indulgence.
Two pictures make this clearer.
1. The bag – Your mind and heart…your minute-by-minute consciousness is a bag. Make it a soft bag the size of your shaving kit, something you carry with you when you travel. What’s in your bag? Your ‘to do’ list, the people you need to call, your ambition for today, this week, this year. Your goals. The guilt for missing your son’s school play yesterday. Your bag is full of your stuff.
Suppose you empty your bag. You call on God to refill your bag with His Spirit. From His Spirit comes peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, and gentleness. You’re relieved of the pressure to be all those things. Instead you receive them. You watch them take hold in you. You’re the conduit, not the source. You relax and let His nature flow through you. You still have to work and do stuff, but it’s with a peace and a pace that’s of Him and far different from your own.
2. The walk – Think about a walk you took with someone. Maybe it was your wife or a close friend. You were right there….a few feet from each other. There weren’t a lot of words, but a closeness. A connection. Intimacy from proximity.
When we pull God close and keep Him there, it’s like that walk. You’re with Him and He’s with you. Through constant prayer, you’re saying “thank you for __________”, “thank you for ___________”, “thank you for ____________” . Over and over. For everything. Developing a heart of gratitude. By personal worship. By singing a praise song to Him, not about Him. Singing it out loud or in your head. Doesn’t matter. He hears it. He smiles. He’s walking with you. And you with Him.
So what about giving up these goals?
Goals mean something when there’s accountability. A finish line and a standard to compare ‘goal to actual’. I heard Bob Goff, author Love Does, say this…
“Don’t hold me accountable. Hold me close.”
So much better to give up these goals and just be held close. Even if, by some miracle, I were to achieve some of them, I’d want to take the credit. Which would bring glory to me, not God.
So give up. “Let go and let God” as they used to say. Empty your bag of ambition & drive. Ask God to fill it with His Spirit. Walk and talk with Him constantly. People will see His characteristics in you. And He’ll get the credit.
Question: Are you willing to trade ‘being a better man’ for being closer to Jesus? Tell us if you are here.
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Responses (2)
Just outstanding. Maybe the best post yet.
This sure would simplify my quest—focusing on a person rather than a list. I’ve thought previously that we should hold each other accountable more for seeking the right inputs than for generating the right outputs. But this takes it a step further, letting God handle the inputs as well. So maybe I need to be held accountable for holding up my empty cup so he can fill it.