Fire Your Father
So it’s the day after Father’s Day. You gave him a call, a dozen golf balls, or maybe lunch out with the family.
Now fire him. That’s right…fire him! If you’re an adult, you’re out of college, married and on your own, you may need to fire your dad. You may need a ‘parent-ectemy’.
Before you write me off, hear me out. The vast majority of men I’ve mentored live every day with ‘father’ issues. “He ran off and left us.” “I could never please him…still can’t.” “If we’re not at HIS house on Christmas morning….” “It’s not what he says that bothers me…it’s what he doesn’t say.” “He’s oblivious…he has no clue what he did to me or how it felt!”
I SO wanted to please my dad. Even after I was married. When I got a raise or got promoted, I called my dad before I called my wife. Just like that little boy waiting for him to come home after work, I was still trying to matter. Still striving to please him. Still dying for his praise.
But when I found Christ…or better, when Christ found ME, something incredible happened. Something I didn’t expect. I discovered a Father’s love that was unconditional. Complete. Not based on my behavior or performance. Grasping His love changed everything for me. I mattered to my (Heavenly) Father and that’s what I needed.
I can’t recall how I ended up in this particular counselor’s office, but I remember the exercise he led me through. He put me in a room by myself with a blank legal pad, a pencil and an empty chair directly in front of me. “Write down every single thing your dad ever did or didn’t do…that hurt you. Don’t stop ‘til you’ve written down every single thing. Then imagine he’s sitting in that chair. Read him every item on that list…out loud. Tell him how it felt. Tell him what you wish he’d said. All of it. Then say to him ‘Dad, I forgive you. I forgive you for all of this. God has forgiven me for all the stuff I’ve done…I can’t not forgive you. I know you never meant to hurt me. You did the best you could, being who you are. I’m done with all this….I forgive you!’ Then wad up the piece of paper and throw it in the trash. It’s over and done.”
I did it. I read him the whole list, forgave him, and then fired him.
From that day, I never looked at my dad the same way. He was no longer my father…he was a friend. I was released from his expectations, and he was released from mine. I never told my dad all the stuff I’d held against him. He never knew he got ‘fired’. He just saw a change in my heart. We became friends, and for the years he lived after that, I was probably his best friend.
If the last thing you need to do is to fire your dad, stop right now and thank God for that. But if you can’t truly thank God for your earthly father, will you forgive him, ‘fire’ him, and then let your Heavenly Father take his place?
Question: Will you relax in God’s unconditional love and let him become your true ‘father’? Tell us here.
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