Do You Have What It Takes?
One of the first topics I take on with my mentees is how they feel about themselves. Most guys feel inadequate. I battled with this until I was 33. I still have days of doubt.
My psych professor said normal people have medium self-esteem. Everybody else has either too high or too low. I believe people with really high self-esteem are low self-esteem people trying hard to prove they aren’t. Their response is “I’m going to prove I’m up to it”. If they have to prove it, they don’t believe it to begin with. Low self-esteem people think “I’m not good enough…I can’t do that”. The middle people say “I’m gonna’ give it a shot. If I make it, that’ll be great. If I don’t, I’m o.k.”
Key words. “I’m o.k.”
Knowing you’re o.k. is the target. That’s the normal happy medium. Someone who’s “O.K.” doesn’t have to tell us they are. They just are. Make a list of people you know who are truly o.k. …totally comfortable in their own skin. It’s a short list.
In fact, a lot of high achievement probably wouldn’t happen if these lists were longer. People who are trying to prove they’re o.k. invent, create, produce, paint, and build a lot of what we admire in this world. Tormented by the absence of affirmation, they strive toward it, never believing they have what it takes even when their achievements prove otherwise.
This whole gig starts with the first person we truly look up to. How they respond to us helps create the ‘voice’ our souls listen to every day. The voice says “You’re o.k.”…or not. Some say the voice our dads use to speak to us as kids becomes our inner voice as adults. Sometimes that voice says “try a little harder; then you’ll be o.k.” Sometimes it says “You’ll never measure up.” “They’ll never really like you.” “You’re a loser.” So we hide, don’t try, or become critics of everyone who does.
For my generation, this person was “Daddy”. I so wanted him to like me. To think I was smart. Competent. Funny. To think I had what it takes.
He didn’t. Or if he did, he didn’t say it for fear he would “spoil me”.
As a result, I spent years trying to prove I had what it takes. Years of assigning great value to the opinions of others. Years of worshipping achievement. Years of mindlessly seeking words of affirmation like a panting dog looking for water.
But at age 33, in a ten-minute conversation with my Heavenly Father, all that changed. And instantly. It wasn’t a personal development program. It wasn’t reading a book or hearing a sermon. It took minutes, not hours or months or years. It took surrender.
Everything changed when I said to God “O.K., I’m yours. I surrender. I want to be forgiven for my junk. I’m taking You at your word…that You truly love me. That I’m special to You. That You would have carried that cross and died on it just for me. I’m going public with my faith and I’m going to live my life for You. It’s You and me, God…from here on out, it’s You and me.”
My wife says I “stopped vibrating.”
I relaxed for the first time I can remember. Instantly, I cared less about what everyone else thought and cared most about what God thought. His love for me had been there all along. I just didn’t believe it. Or trust it.
Did I have what it takes?
No more than I did 10 minutes before.
But I had peace….for the first time in my life. I was loved. I would give things my best shot, but depending on affirmation was no longer on the table. I had that now. From the God of the Universe!
What I’m saying is – God loves you and me and we just have to receive it. Live in it. Relax in it. We measure up in His eyes regardless of our performance. Jesus covered our tab of screw-ups and failures once and for all at the cross. We are loved. Accepted. Affirmed. We can cut it. We have what it takes. We belong.
I think adopted children are especially blessed. Having been told I was an ‘accident’ all my life, it would seem super special to know my parents asked God for me, pursued me, paid money to get me, really wanted me to be their son. And think about the patience God has, waiting for us to say ‘yes’ to His offer to be adopted. And His persistence through all the times we waive Him off, tell Him “Not now”, or just stay quiet at work and never let anyone know we’re Christ-followers? Amazing.
God has accepted you and I. Believe it.
We are adequate. We have what it takes because it takes Jesus….and we have Him.
We measure up because He stands in for us. And He’s perfect.
Relax. Be who God made you to be and do what He wired you to do. Give it your best shot and rest knowing His love and acceptance are not in play. They’re unconditional and forever.
Question: Do you truly believe that you measure up? Do you live like it? Tell us here.
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Responses (4)
Glad to hear you were able to find that peace Regi. It’s a great feeling, I’m sure.
For me, it’s a struggle. There’s days that I feel like I measure up and plenty of days where I feel like I’m worthless.
Don’t believe the evil one’s lie. If you were sitting in the woods all by yourself, you might sense that God is awesome and delighted with you. In the midst of all the stuff that goes on in your real world, God is still delighted with you. You’re His adopted son. Accept it and relish it.
I love that we can be changed in a moment of surrender. It isn’t a magic formula or a specific book, but God in His grace changing our hearts instantly. I had a similar experience when God gave me the power to forgive someone who betrayed me.
I believe I am accepted and totally loved by God. Sometimes I can’t grasp how His love and forgiveness for me is that complete, but I believe His word is true and trust Him. Heb. 11:6!
God is amazing. I’m reading the Gospels again in the Message paraphrase. Peterson brings Jesus into vivid focus, describing the way He intersected with people and changed their lives instantly. Thankfully, He’s still doing that.