Dinner Together
I can count things my wife has been insistent about on one hand, but dinner together was always one.
“When will you be home?” she’d ask. “I’m tied up…it’s going to be a little while” I’d say. Undaunted, she’d retort “UNTIE YOURSELF and get on the road. We have dinner together in this family. It’ll be ready and the kids will be at the table at 6:30!”
I’m exaggerating a little here, but not by much. My wife consistently insisted we have dinner together every night as a family. At first, I didn’t quite ‘get it’. Didn’t see why it was all that important. But over time, especially as my kids moved into adolescence, I saw the value. It was the one time every day when we were ‘eyeball to eyeball’. We talked about things. We could hear their hearts and they could hear ours. They could see how their parents talked, worked together and loved each other. Brother and sister sat there for a little ‘dose’ of family.
Dinner together is the daily classroom for “Family 101”. What is your child learning on a sports team that’s more important than that? Values aren’t taught…they’re caught. You can’t ‘infect’ your kids with family values if they’re rarely exposed. I have younger friends and mentees who are trading regular connection with their kids for ball practice, dance lessons, golf and gymnastics. Some are saying ‘yes’ to what their kids want. Others are trying to live out their fantasies through their children. Some are so competitive, they refuse to let their friends’ kid play better, advance further or get more recognition than their kid. These families almost never have dinner together. “Family 101” is a correspondence course, with lessons jammed into slivers of time here and there and on weekends.
Don’t get me wrong…I’m not against little league or travel team or golf team or any team. But I am for families. And a lot of us have gotten sucked up into a 21st century suburban phenomenon that, when you step back, makes no sense in the long term.
If not at home, where will your kids learn about committed love, family dynamics, loyalty, empathy, relational problem-solving, and forgiveness? Who will prepare them for marriage and family life? I’m not aware of a “husband school” or “wife school” where our kids learn this stuff.
“Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deut. 6:5-7
Does your family ‘sit at home’ with any regularity? Ask yourself “Twenty years from now, will what they got from sports teams be more important than “Family 101”?
Question: Does your family have dinner together as a routine happening? What keeps you from it? Tell us here.
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Responses (7)
[…] By Regi Campbell […]
Wise words, Regi.
This is how I grew up. My father worked the graveyard shift and he broke his sleep at 5:30 to 7:00 pm to be with the family and help us kids to become the people we are today. Dinner time was a time of reflection of the day, the time to learn how to make big problems turn into small problems and it was certainly a time of keeping values sewn to the fabric of Christ. My bother and one sister have let the faith after leaving home and college.
In our family time we learned to think and reason and judge our behaviour to the world and ourselves with Scripture. All of us children have gone on to occupations that serve the common people; why? Because we learned the value of serving as a leader.
Thank you Regi for the flashback in my early life.
Thank you mom and dad for the EDUCATION.
We sure do have dinner together. It takes something terribly important or special to break that routine. I’m not saying it happens 100% of the time, but it’s rare that it doesn’t. There is nothing more important than family. And a family isn’t a family without spending time, talk, laughter, sorrow, and meals together. Sure, sometimes they have to be a little rusged, because someone does have a soccer practice, or whatever, and that’s OK, because those things are important too, but not more important than spending time with the family! 🙂
Regi,
We had the most crazy thing happen. Our kids asked to stop doing sports. My first thought was they aren’t allowed to stop sports. When I asked why, “They said they wanted to stop, so we could spend more time playing as a family.”
It appears that we made our home fun enough that they’d rather play here. (We do have lots of fun together, like board games, motorcycle rides, and runs to Baskin Robbins.)
AMEN!! When I was growing up, we ALWAYS had dinner together. ALWAYS. With the way life goes now, it’s getting more and more difficult, but it’s because people don’t value it as they should. Sitting together for a meal is intentional and necessary for a hundred reasons – all the things you pointed out and more – slowing down, family time, lessons, communication, love, discipline, priorities and so on and so on. We just got a great book that teaches these very values – “She Calls Me Daddy: 7 Things You Need to Know About Building a Complete Daughter,” by Robert Wolgemuth. His original book of nearly the same name came out in the 90s, a best-seller, has been updated for today. His girls are grown up and give their own input along with their husbands who are daddies to girls. I understand 40% of the book is new material. It’s so unique in this way. Robert puts the anxieties of Daddy raising his girl(s) to rest, guiding you through challenges and good times – protecting, conversation, affection, discipline, laughter, faith, conduct. So great for helping daddies learn to lead, love and cherish. An invaluable investment. I highly recommend it! http://www.tyndale.com/She-Calls-Me-Daddy/9781589977853#.U7jH414Q7wI
Thanks Heather. This is a great resource suggestion.