Our Most Controversial Post: The Happy Wife Pledge
Of the 500+ posts we’ve written, none drew more comments and controversy than the “Happy Wife Pledge.” A lot of guys laugh at the phrase “happy wife, happy life” and even if it’s not always true, it’s useful. I believe men heavily influence the quality of their marriages. Rather than dive into all the negative stuff, I’m cutting to the chase and suggesting some things that can move your wife and your marriage in a positive direction in 2017. You can trace all of these back to Ephesians 5:25 . . . to “giving yourself up for her.” Give this a try, then post a comment about how it didn’t work. I dare you!
The Happy Wife Pledge
“My wife is more important than the house being messy. I will shut up and start helping out.”
“I will no longer criticize my wife about how she uses her time. It’s her life to live.”
“I am grateful for a wife who cares about our kids. I will thank her, encourage her, and never allow myself to think I’m unimportant to her.”
“I recognize my wife was her mom’s daughter before she was my wife. She has a right and a responsibility to be a good adult daughter and to ‘honor’ her mother.”
“I will never again complain about the food in our house. Instead, I will offer to stop by the store and bring whatever she needs without complaint.”
“I will never criticize my wife for her desire to be ‘just with me’ versus going out with friends. I will thank her and pour myself into loving her when we’re together.”
“I recognize that my wife gets tired. I will drop all my demands and make ‘space’ for her to rest and I will not take it personally.”
“I acknowledge it’s difficult to identify, screen, and coordinate schedules with babysitters. I will not criticize her nor take her efforts for granted.”
“I will look for the good in my wife’s appearance. If I can’t say something nice, I will keep my mouth shut.”
“I will never again comment on my wife’s weight. That is off-limits to me forever. I will love and accept her regardless. It is none of my business.”
“I will never say anything negative about my wife, even in a joking way, in front of any other person, male or female, friend or foe.”
“I will never again bring up my wife’s performance in earlier parts of her life. For example, I will never talk about how ‘she used to like to dance’ or anything of that nature.”
“I will stop talking about sex. I will make no other comments, jokes, sidebars, or criticisms about the frequency, quality, or any other dimension of our sex life. I will love her and we will enjoy sex only when she is clearly in favor of it. I will put her first, be grateful for what comes my way, and be content.”
“I recognize that my family of origin is just that—my family. I will drop my expectations for my wife to engage with my family. I hope she does, but I will not require it of her.”
“I will go through a complete review of our finances. I will make sure she fully understands our income, our budgeted expenses, and our saving and giving commitments. And I will never again criticize her regarding money.”
If you want to see your marriage improve in 2017, commit to living this pledge consistently. And if you joined with many others and made the pledge almost 3 years ago, recommit to it now. You won’t regret it.
Scripture: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:25)
Mentor Tip: Seriously consider using What Radical Husbands Do for the marriage module of your mentoring season. It’s practical and authentic, not preachy nor psycho-babble. Regardless of which book you use, work hard to help your guys learn to honor their wives and to live with them in an understanding way.
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Responses (6)
Good post, Regi. I would add one concept that reflects my 45 year law career: Don’t make a felony out of a misdemeanor! It has served me well over my 50+ years of marriage.
EXCELLENT advice. Thank you.
Regi, many of the books I have read about relationships take similar positions as your Happy Wife Pledge. They are well-founded with good suggestions but many men nowadays either have reversed roles in their families or reversed personalities with their wives than is typically assumed. The blame seems to usually be placed on men and it is our responsibility to change in order to have a happy marriage. But more frequently, men are having to adjust to the wife being the driven, head-strong, emotionally and sometimes physically unavailable bread winner of the family. We may still be guilty and have the ability to affect some change in our relationships by instituting your pledge but we actually relate more to the underappreciated and disrespected female perspective that you elude to. I have not yet read anything from that male perspective but think it would be well-received. I will still give The Pledge a chance and look forward to reaping the rewards.
I remember this post very fondly. It elicited a lot of thought and reflection on my role and responsibilities as a wife. After reading some of the comments, it also led to my own comment where I first alluded to the abusive past that I’d worked hard to forget over several decades. A past that kept me from being the wife God intended. Then came some scary first steps toward seeking spiritual help and support to find the rest, peace and much-needed healing I currently enjoy. It’s been a difficult journey, but reading these words again at the beginning of 2017 remind me that God truly can make all things new. Thank you for re-posting!
The post about a happy wife is a good post and really reiterates
Philippians 2:3-5 Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)
3 Do nothing from factional motives [through contentiousness, strife, selfishness, or for unworthy ends] or prompted by conceit and empty arrogance. Instead, in the true spirit of humility (lowliness of mind) let each regard the others as better than and superior to himself [thinking more highly of one another than you do of yourselves].
4 Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others.
5 Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:]
If the body of Christ took only this portion of scripture as their life theme and fully gave themselves over to learning to live like this there would be an amazing revival! In order to live in this manner absent of frustration & disappointment one will have to find a new heart in reality not just in theology. The gospel to the saved is just that – a new heart and nothing less will do. All good things come from a transformed heart and no where else as God’s spirit has His way with us. It is quite rare to meet someone who truly lives like this more often than not. When we are pressed our real inward condition comes rushing to the surface which is by design but we are to take those times of exposure to God and cry out for His help and begin to realize that we are in desparate need moment by moment of grace to empower us and change us. Then we will begin to arrange our lives around the disciplines and activities that put us at His disposal so we can receive grace from Him as He is so willing to give it.
Back to the post, good stuff but only life giving when a heart is fully satisfied in Christ! Keep up the good work and keep painting the picture of what Kingdom life looks like here and how we can find that treasure that will cause us to joyfully sell all we have for it!
Thank you Regi for sharing these wise counsel for a happy marriage. I am trusting God to live all and have shared it with some young husbands in my world.