Wes Yoder’s Bond of Brothers

Wes Yoder’s book Bond of Brothers is one of the best books for men on community. I mean, such a great title, who could resist? You can check out the book by clicking here.

Here’s a net-out of my takeaways . . .

1. “Nearly every man I know can recite word-for-word a beautiful compliment or a harsh criticism received from his father.”
2. “Words create spiritual strongholds and by them, spiritual legacies are formed.”
3. What we say, who we are and what we do are the three things by which we’ll be remembered.
4. Our secrets become our fears. The silence within develops a mind and a commanding voice of its own and seeks to become our master (the inner accuser).
5. Young men are being brought up just like women, told to “be good, be kind, be godly, be strong, be gentle, follow your dreams, etc.” What do we do to show a son how to be a man?

• • We must have a face, meaning we have to shed the masks and be authentic.
  • We must initiate a confessional life, acknowledging “when I am weak, then I am strong.” You cannot know or experience your true strength until your weakness is no longer a secret within you.
  • Eventually, being a man includes learning to say what you think about the things you do not want to talk about.
  • Being an initiator among friends and family about things that really matter
  • Being a provider, defender, and a spiritual leader in your family and for the poor in your community who cannot do these things for themselves.

6. We, men, have the inherent ability to understand the emotional and spiritual needs of our wives, children, associates, and friends. But we have to engage!
7. The degree to which men will confess to each other calibrates the depth of intimacy their friendship will attain.
8. When a man has something to hide, the first thing he tries to control is money.
9. Every man who knows himself knows all men.
10. “He who is noble plans noble things, and on noble things he stands.”
11. Spectator entertainment has contributed to the way men “do” church.
12. Game and story are two of the primary ways children connect with their fathers.
13. As a father, you are the nearest point of reference your children will ever have to what the words Dad, man, husband, and father will actually mean.
14. Team sports can be used to reinforce the stubborn suspicion that not all men are created equal, that our differences are important and serve as benefits for our greater good.
15. Men are more than willing to talk when they have the respect of those who are willing to listen, provided the topic isn’t one more thing they don’t really care about.
16. We men often feel responsible for things we cannot control, for things we do not know.
17. “I don’t think I have lived a single day of my life for the past several years in which I did not long to have a wise, gentle old guy standing close by for advice. I recognize that my life is especially complex, but I think we all need that.”
18. A boy doesn’t know what’s worth crying about.
19. Young men tell me all the time “No one in your generation talks to us unless they want something from us.” (Older, more resourced men say the same thing about younger men -RC)
20. Someone close to you is more likely to hurt you than a stranger.
21. Men don’t just have issues, they have the whole subscription.
22. Accountability groups don’t work because . . .

• • not all are truly accountability groups
  • no man can tell if his brother is lying or not
  • no man can truly hold another man accountable
  • what men should be openly discussing with each other gets shoved deep into the secret places along with their failures.

23. “When you hear a guy talking about his wife being his best friend, worry. If you tell her everything that’s on your mind, I’ll tell you to stop abusing her. Go find a friend who can handle it because I promise, she can’t. Wives where not created by God to be the dumping ground for all our crap.”
24. It is in your best interest to live with nothing to hide, and the woman you marry must know that the boss isn’t her and it isn’t you.
25. “Believing the best about others until given a reason not to” is the first step down the primrose path to spiritual blindness. What is true is always better. Intimacy is impossible if it does not permit you to observe the truth about yourself and your peers. Leo Tolstoy wrote, “Men are like rivers; the water is the same in all.”
26. If a man can be self-condemned, he can be self-imprisoned as well.
27. The greatest moral choice a man will make arrives on the point of his enemy’s sword.

Here’s the link again if you’re interested in reading the book.

Question: Will you think deeply about Yoder’s points? Will you ask God to bother you with whatever He wants you to own and apply to your life?

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