The Idea of the Thing
Learning to recognize the “thing” versus the “idea of the thing” is huge.
For years, I kept my eye out for a ’66 yellow GTO like the one I had as a kid. One day, I saw it. It jumped out of my browser and grabbed me. (I can’t remember how I got to ebay motors.) The idea of my old GTO, with its black vinyl top, 8 track player (I’d kept a few 8 tracks just for this moment), the mag wheels and the loud mufflers, it was all there in my mind. All I had to do was bid. (and give away our cat…no way I could have him scratching up my new/old classic collector car!)
The delivery guy rolled the car off the truck and the fun began. I turned the key…it started…but the engine sounded like it had whooping cough. That started the search for a mechanic, a guy skilled at 50-year-old Pontiacs, but didn’t charge an arm and a leg. He put in the 8 track; the music sounded like an AM radio station just before you go out of range. Every time it would rain, I resented that car taking up my regular car’s parking space in the garage. And I missed the cat.
We get an idea in our mind and we visualize the thing in its best possible light. The problems get ignored or suppressed because we don’t want to be talked out of our dream. When we get the “thing”, the stuff we ignored hits us in the face.
Where does this play out?
Stuff – Houses, cars, clothes…marketers are intent on getting us to buy into the idea of the (new) thing so we’ll want it bad enough to buy it.
Relationships – Men get the idea of a new wife in their heads…a different woman who won’t be like the one they have. They craft her from the images they’ve seen on the internet, from memories of a high school girlfriend, and from the characters they’ve seen in the movies or on t.v.. She doesn’t exist mind you…she’s not a real “thing”, she’s the idea of a thing.
Experiences – The idea of watching the sunset on top of Springer Mountain after through-hiking the Appalachian Trail is a little different from doing it. The idea of lounging on the beach in Bali doesn’t usually include the 23 hours on an airplane or the $1700 charged to your credit card for the ticket. The idea of having your kid play on the baseball “travel team” is a lot different than the reality of it.
I read that expectations are “premeditated resentments”. The idea of the thing is usually connected to our expectations; the thing to reality. Resentment ultimately comes from the difference in the two. Instead of thoughtfully and prayerfully considering the thing itself, we buy into the idea of the thing and set ourselves up to resent the very thing we wanted so badly.
So what’s the point here?
Think hard about what you’re about to buy, who you’re about to befriend, or what you’re signing up to do. Are you considering the thing? Or the idea of the thing?
The old “Ben Franklin” is hard to beat. Make two columns and write down the “pros” and “cons”. Invite people you love and trust to look at your work. Resist the temptation to shut out their input and stick to your guns. Avoid having a tombstone inscribed with “He wasn’t confused with the facts; his mind was made up!”
Question: When have you bought into the idea of something only to find out ‘the something’ was radically different? Please comment here.
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Responses (12)
Regi, I really relate to this and often it is from the other side. There have been countless times in my life where “the idea of the thing” has consumed me and if “the thing” doesn’t happen I am crushed. These are often things that in my mind I had determined would change my life forever once I was able to obtain it. Then when things don’t come through I am crushed and left wondering if God even knows I am here. Without fail when those things that I so desperately long for don’t happen I look back and see how his hand was all over it and how he was protecting me all along. If I can learn to think through the “idea of the thing” up front vs. making my mind up that I have to have it I know I would handle those moments better. To me it is the concept of holding that “thing” with an open hand and allowing God to either take it away or gently wrap his hands around it and give it to me. Thanks so much for this reminder!
We’ve both had those times when “God’s greatest gift was unanswered prayer”. Thinking more about things in advance could make a world of difference. And imagine what would happen if we prayed, truly listened to His voice, and then did what He said!
This one hurts!
Calling my expections premeditated resentments is a killer…but true.
Why I have what a friend of mine calls the wannas, I try real hard to wait before I buy. The wait time corrlaties to the price of the item. I would like to say I pray about these potential future resentments (my purchases) but that would not be true. I do know that I saved lots of money and time just waiting to see if the wannas just go away.
Great post!
love, charlie
It’s been interesting watching my purchases since I made the commitment to give a dollar to Warm Blankets Orphan Care for every dollar I spend on myself. It has the effect of doubling the cost of my selfishness. I still buy stuff, but I’m thinking more about it before I do.
Most of the junk around my house. The tools and equipment that rarely get used. The exercise equipment(though it does come in hand on the rainy days) that gets neglected.
I feel your pain. I’ve got a ton of the same stuff.
I call the idea of the thing “The Grass is Greener Syndrome”.
Most people tend to romanticize the new and future. It is human nature.
Usually once we have achieved the goal or get the thing that we thought would make us happier we enjoy it for a moment and then we are on to the next thing.
The Bible talks about “dross” which is the impurity that burns in the refiners fire. I believe that dross is “any thing”.
The example of Jesus is instructional. He valued people and relationships above material items. I pray that I can live up to His example
Love people, use things.
Regi,
way to cut through all junk and get to the point.
I understand you will be in our neck of the woods next month. Look forward to meeting you.
Thanks Tony. Be sure and say Hi….
Hey guys! I have the solution to all of this. Marry a discerning woman and encourage her perspective on important decisions – no matter how much it pains you to do so.(and it is a lot sometimes for me) My wife cuts right through the idea of the thing to give me cold reality. Stings in the moment but feels great looking back knowing I have avoided A LOT that would only have been enjoyable as an idea.
You’re a blessed man. I know several guys who have challenges with their wives falling in love with lots of expensive ideas. It brings stress to a marriage bigtime. Count your blessings Marshall!