Today’s blog is the first in a series of posts written by former Radical Mentee Benj Miller, and his wife of 15 years Erica. Benj is a brand consultant in Atlanta, where he and Erica live with their four awesome kids.
We’re sharing Benj and Erica’s posts on Christian married sex because it’s one of the things that most often trips up young couples. Men and women have different levels of sex drive, and God uses these differences to grow our character and our faith. Our Happy Wife Pledge post brought more comments than any other, so we know sex and marriage are big deals for those in our tribe. Without further ado, here’s Benj . . .
WARNING: This post and the others I’ll be writing for this blog are specifically for Christian husbands. If you don’t fit those two criteria, feel free to read, but please know that this may not resonate with you.
Lying in bed next to my wife, staring at the ceiling, and desiring a sexual connection with her may be the loneliest place in the world. I crave being wanted by her and her alone . . . yes, sexually. I know there is nothing physically amazing about me as a sexual specimen. In fact, I would argue that the male gender got screwed when God divvied out attractive body parts. I want to feel like my wife’s hero . . . the arms she wants to run to and never leave . . . the guy that captivates her heart and melts away the worries of the world . . . the one she desperately desires to express this to sexually.
So here’s where I’m perplexed . . .
Marriage is hard work. Sex in a marriage can sometimes seem impossible.
But why is that? Marriage is a gift. A prize. A highlight.
So, why is it such a struggle?
And sex . . . well, sex is awesome, right? Mmmmm . . . sometimes.
I don’t believe sex within marriage should be a struggle. I sure wish it wasn’t. I think most of us guys are on the same page here.
So, I’d like to share with you a glimpse into my sex life. I want to let you into my mental bedroom for a few reasons:
- I’ve taken the time to try to explore and understand some of my emotions and issues around the subject. Emotions I believe most men have but do not understand.
- The second reason is most people simply don’t talk about this stuff . . . and the ones who do often don’t have the grounding of a healthy marriage.
- The conversation is worth the wrestling. It is an area of deep need, hurt, and opportunity for most people.
I have a hunch that what I experience is not unique but rather a plague. Maybe my feeble attempt at expressing my thoughts and discoveries can help your journey.
My prayer is that you would be encouraged about your normalness, better understand yourself, and have some tools that can create some positive momentum.
Quote: “Things that matter most are a fight.” – Jen Hatmaker
Breathe New Life Into Your Discipleship
Small group mentoring can help you engage your people, build your core group of leaders, and transform your church. Our free resources equip you with all the tools you need to launch a sustainable mentoring program.