The other day, the wife of a leader in a church that just launched Radical Mentoring asked me what I thought she (and other wives) could do to best support their husbands as they go through a mentoring group. She added, “The obvious answer is to pray for them and we will, but is there more?”
Great question. And I was so glad to be asked, I decided to unpack it as a blog post so that others can hear the answer. Five things . . .
- Read the books – A friend once gave me this quote, “Marry someone who’s read the same books as you.” Reading what your husband (or wife) is reading provides common ground and a plethora of subjects to discuss. Your husband will feel more accountable to applying what he’s reading knowing his wife is reading and learning the same truths and principles.
- Watch for changes – A big part of Radical Mentoring is focusing on becoming a better husband. Giving focused attention, expressing love by writing notes, analyzing how your family spends time and money so that it can be better stewarded. I encourage wives to offer praise, not call negative attention to what are often clumsy efforts. Try to catch him doing things right and affirm him.
- Encourage him – By reading books and memorizing Scripture, mentees are putting effort toward growing in their faith and spiritual leadership. Because ‘you get what you glorify,’ it’s meaningful to recognize this effort. Praise his steps toward being the man, husband, and father Jesus wants him to be.
- Give him space – This Radical Mentoring season takes time and effort, some of which would otherwise go to you and the family. He’s got a 3-hour monthly meeting, a book to read, a one-on-one with his mentor(s), and a monthly one-on-one with another guy from his group. His boss isn’t reducing his workload to accommodate all this, and he can’t shirk his fatherhood duties, so be generous with him and don’t do anything to make it harder for him to do what the group asks of him.
- Pray for him – I know, this sounds trite and routine. But there’s a different kind of praying that’s specific and intentional. Pray for him to grasp the specific principles from this month’s book and his group’s discussion. Ask God to help him to internalize the Scripture he’s memorizing. Especially ask God to give him a ‘plus one’ friend who will walk with him after his group concludes . . . someone he’ll stay close with and share life with after the mentoring season is over.
Scripture: Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Genesis 2:18)