The Happy Husband Pledge
Okay guys, this one’s NOT for you. We’ve seen enough comments to convince us that more than a few wives read this column. And since “The Happy Wife Pledge” hit guys so hard, we figured it’s the ladies turn. So here’s one man’s take on what it takes to create and keep a happy husband . . .
- I will make an exclusive, life-long commitment to my husband. “I love you with all my heart. There will never be anyone else. I am yours for the rest of our lives and I’m never going away.” Since men are usually visual creatures, figure out some way to say these words so he’ll see them. Write them, paint them, calligraphy, whatever. But make it your words, say them, mean them and show them often.
- I will think before I speak. Men aren’t known for listening well, but they hear everything you say when it’s about their failures, shortcomings, or shame. Touching those nerves creates defensiveness or anger which gets internalized and pent up. Nothing good comes from that.
- I will brag on him once a day. Husbands don’t usually get a lot of positive feedback at work . . . or anywhere for that matter. When his wife says good things about him – especially in front of other people, it warms his soul.
- I will not spend in excess or in secret. In most marriages, money is an issue. Men are (traditionally) expected to be the ‘providers’. So when there isn’t enough money, men feel shame. Like they don’t measure up. Being on the same page about money and keeping everything out in the open is huge for your husband and for your marriage.
- I will give my husband some guilt-free freedom. Good husbands feel responsible, and that’s a good thing. Getting home as quick as he can, helping with chores, being involved with the kids . . . all good things. A wife who sets her man free once in a while is smart. “Hey, you’ve been working so hard. Why don’t you take Saturday and do just what you want to do? No kidding. No guilt. The day is yours!”
- I will ask my husband to pray for me. Whether it’s out loud or silent, husbands feel honored and respected when their wives ask them to pray for them about stuff that matters. And couples who pray together regularly almost never divorce.
- I will initiate sex once per month. Every man wants to believe he’s good in bed and that he satisfies his wife. If every now and then, a wife will flirt with her husband, let him know she wants him and that he more than measures up, he’s affirmed at a deep, deep level.
- I will pray for my husband. When a wife prays for her husband thoughtfully and regularly, God often raises her sensitivity to his ‘world’ – to what’s going on with him. She’ll be softer and more supportive.
- I will resist telling my husband how to do things. Most guys enjoy projects. Believe it or not, most of us like to do things for our wives, but telling us how to do it takes a lot of the fun out. Make suggestions but avoid prescription.
- I will not ‘nag’. Proverbs 27:15 says “A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike” Ask your husband how he’d like you to remind him of things he forgets. Then communicate with him the way he wants you to. It’ll work way better than nagging.
- I will let go of unimportant things. If your husband doesn’t get a detail right when he’s telling a story, let it go. Don’t correct (and embarrass) him. If he forgets to pick up his underwear, put his coffee cup in the dishwasher, or call the plumber when he said he would, be thoughtful and don’t let little things ruin the atmosphere of your relationship.
Now before you go printing this out and leaving it on your wife’s pillow, remember that while Ephesians 5:33 tells wives to respect their husbands, Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands to love their wives ‘as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her’. Leaders go first and marital love is unconditional. So your job is to love and cherish your wife no matter what.
Question: Wives, will you take the “Happy Husband Pledge”? Tell us here
Breathe New Life Into Your Discipleship
Small group mentoring can help you engage your people, build your core group of leaders, and transform your church. Our free resources equip you with all the tools you need to launch a sustainable mentoring program.
Responses (3)
Thanks for reminder of how easy it is to make my husbands happy. Too often i create a list of things (clean house, delicious meal, stimulating conversation, etc…) that he needs to feel loved. Then when I finish with my list I don’t have any energy left over to love him the way he wants to be loved.
I need to print this post and keep it by my kitchen sink!!!
This is an area I have been working on. “I will let go of unimportant things. If your husband doesn’t get a detail right when he’s telling a story, let it go. Don’t correct (and embarrass) him. ”
I really never even thought too much about this until I read about it in a relationship book recently. I get so caught up in getting all the details correct and really sometimes it is not that important. I never intended to hurt or embarrass my husband I just got caught up in getting it right. The book I read pointed out that everyone else is really not that concerned with who was there, the exact time and who it was said to, etc. Instead the author of the book pointed out that they are all probably thinking just let the poor man talk lady. Ouch when put that way it really does sound like a bad thing to do. In my defense I will say it was not my intention to hurt or belittle my husband in any way. Now that I have reflected upon it and really thought about it I can see it as a negative thing to do. I try really hard to let these kind of things go.
Thanks for the article. I do want my husband to be happy.
Yes! I take your Happy Husband Pledge. There are a few of these that I excel at in our marriage, and there are several that I can continue to work on. Thank you for all you do!