“Fast and Reasonable”

Every time I see one of these signs, I want to throw up. Divorce isn’t fast or reasonable, no matter how cheap the lawyer fee.

Let me back up a little. God hates divorce. Therefore I hate divorce. Every Christ-follower should hate divorce. I think everyone hates it, but we still participate in it (at about the same rate of non-believers).

Back to the sign. “Fast and reasonable”.  One of the reasons divorce has become ‘normal’ and commonplace is because the legal process can happen so fast. You don’t have to think about it long, you just ‘file’, sign up, pay up, and it’s ‘done’.

Sure it is. Don’t kid yourself…divorce doesn’t happen fast. It’s a life-long thing. The personal problems we bring into marriage, the ‘baggage’ of childhood, parents and ‘lost loves’, the unavoidable stuff that comes from two people with expectations of each other thrown together into the economic, relational, and psychological “pressure cooker” of marriage. Divorce doesn’t come fast and it isn’t over fast. It goes on and on and on. It’s never over. Not really.

And reasonable? “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” has been proven as fact. Betray your wife. Start threatening her security or the security of her kids and you’ll find out what ‘reasonable’ feels like. A friend who was making $150,000 before his divorce is now figuring out how to live on $28,000. That’s ‘net’ after taxes, spousal support, child support, alimony and the rest. And his ex-wife had to get a job because she can’t make ends meet for her and the kids if they’re to stay in their schools and live ‘in the lifestyle to which they are accustomed.” Another friend is looking down the barrel of divorce stemming from a whim…a wife who’s just decided she ‘wants a different life’ after 20 years. Reasonable? That she will ruin the life of a man who loves her dearly and has been totally faithful? Reasonable to strip kids of their dad and put their futures at risk? She’ll get over the ‘whim’ someday. She’ll look back and ask “What was I thinking?” The devastation will linger for a lifetime. Reasonable?

In Matthew 19 and Mark 10, Jesus didn’t say divorce was acceptable. He simply said a man whose wife is unfaithful is not guilty of the sin of adultery if he remarries. God’s will is not defined as the absence of sin. Don’t let this verse give you permission to get a divorce. His will is that we have “life and life to the full”. For married people, that means ‘rejoice in the bride of your youth’ and stay married.

MOST of the guys who read these posts are a little difficult to live with. And their wives might be a little challenging on rare occasions. But the benefits of sticking it out far outweigh the costs of a ‘fast, reasonable’ divorce. If you allow yourself to consider divorce, you’ll always have to consider divorce. So don’t. Take it off the table. Remove the option. Put all your energy into making your marriage work and zero energy into getting it over with.

 Question: Will you recommit yourself to your marriage? Tell us here.