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Don’t Fix Me, Feel Me
Grace

Don’t Fix Me, Feel Me

Posted by Regi Campbell on June 28, 2012

There’s a lot of talk about love right now. Joel Manby has a great book called Love Works. Bob Goff’s book, Love Does inspires me like few books have.

Both these books drive home a principle I’ve bantered around for years: the only love that’s real is love that’s demonstrated. You gotta’ do something or love is just an idea. Just words.

But I think there’s another level to love. It’s sort of “pre-love.”

It’s empathy. It’s “feeling me.” Feeling what another person feels. Right now. In the moment.

“Feeling” someone is more than acceptance. More than tolerance. It’s choosing to care about them as a person and really listen to them, what they’re saying AND what they’re feeling.

Sometimes when I’m in a conversation, I find myself running ahead. “Yeah, I get it. I know. I know!” my brain says. “Come on man, I got it words ago. Stop talking and let me say what I’m thinking here!” I’m so focused on what I want to say back….I totally miss what they’re feeling. My intent may be good. I may have something that could really help them. But they won’t care to know until they know I care.

“Feeling” people is rare. We’re in such a hurry. We text rather than talk. So much to do, so little time.

And it takes selflessness…at least for a few minutes. You can’t be thinking about yourself and “feel” someone else at the same time. You have to put yourself and your agenda on the side table and focus on the person you’re with. Exclusively.

Check out these lyrics from one of the “great philosophers” of our time…Lil Wayne.

And that’s just my point right there

That’s what I’m always trying to stress, you know what I’m saying

If you don’t understand me, if you don’t feel me then you ain’t real

In my eyes, and that’s all that count to me you know

                                                                         From “Feel Me”

You may love your wife with all your heart. You may be passionate about being the best father in history. The love of Jesus may consume you in your quiet times. But “if you don’t feel me, you ain’t real in my eyes, and that’s all that count to me you know.”

Here’s an assignment for you.

For the next 7 days, in every conversation you’re in, “feel” the other person. Be fully present. Watch their eyes. Listen to their heart as well as their words. Don’t think about what you’re going to say. Don’t think about how you can help them with their problem. Don’t think about how to “fix” them. Just “feel” them.

Here are some of the words from my journal. They’re from the “letter from God” experience I wrote about earlier this week. I think they’re God speaking to me (and maybe to you too?)

“Don’t miss the fact that I do the work. You can’t add anything to what I’m doing. You can’t speed me up or move me to your time frame. I love “your guys” and the people in your life. I have a plan. Trust me.”

God doesn’t need me to fix anybody. He wants me to “feel” them. One at a time.

 

Question: Do you “feel” people or fix them? Chick here to comment

Responses (14)

Corey
Corey Posted: June 28, 2012, 1:36 pm

Nice reminder!Thanks for the content and practical advice.


Regi Campbell
Regi Campbell Posted: June 29, 2012, 1:22 pm

Most of the time, I’m writing this stuff to myself! Thanks Corey


Nick Hamm
Nick Hamm Posted: June 28, 2012, 3:54 pm

That was written for me by God through you. Thank you Lord!


Regi Campbell
Regi Campbell Posted: June 28, 2012, 8:17 pm

Thanks Nick


Mike Willingham
Mike Willingham Posted: June 28, 2012, 7:49 pm

These blog post are great! I struggle all the time with rushing people through their conversation, even cutting them off at times! I don’t want to forget the important thought/point I wanted to make. I’m so focused on sharing a story or giving advice and direction.

Thanks for the challenge!


Regi Campbell
Regi Campbell Posted: June 28, 2012, 8:20 pm

we’re all “works in progress” for sure. I was in a conversation recently where I practiced this. The guy wouldn’t stop talking and it went on three times as long as it should have. But that’s the price of “feeling” someone. He needed to talk, whether I needed to listen or not. Like I said the other day, there’s two ways to nourish your soul. Worship and doing something for someone else. My soul was nourished, but I was exhausted at the end of the conversation!


Julie
Julie Posted: June 29, 2012, 12:46 am

Hey Regi,
You hit the proverbial nail on the proverbial head.


Regi Campbell
Regi Campbell Posted: June 29, 2012, 2:47 am

Thanks Julie….


Michael
Michael Posted: June 29, 2012, 4:21 am

The comment “being exausted at the end of the conversation” reminds me frequently, really feeling what someone’s going through leads to a winding narrative and in some cases reveals a repeating cycle too. To be real, I wrestle with repeated weaknesses more often then I should so, rather it’s for another or myself, my hope is to better hear the Spirit speak Gods Word into the need to bring things more in line with Christ. I love praying Psalm 119:49,50 for this daily need, “that your word has given me life.” Any suggestions for ways to walk this out more consistently?


Regi Campbell
Regi Campbell Posted: June 29, 2012, 1:23 pm

Focus. Setting aside everything else but the person in front of you and giving them your attention as a gift…an offering to the Lord. That’s all I got!


Jon Stallings
Jon Stallings Posted: July 1, 2012, 7:41 pm

I need to remind myself of this all the time. I tend to get in “work mode.” I have to remember to slow down and be present with others.


Regi Campbell
Regi Campbell Posted: July 1, 2012, 8:38 pm

me too Jon. See my reply to Michael above. It’s a gift…and it costs you something.


Michael
Michael Posted: July 1, 2012, 9:51 pm

Found a good place to practice using this gift. The Atlanta Dream Center reaches out to people in at risk areas of our community and I’ve had the privilege of joining them a few times in June. Sat their Adopt a Block Ministry “Princess Style” took a group of us to a motel in the Fulton Industrial area. Sex trafficking and drugs are the primary weapons the enemies using to imprison people in this neighborhood and the chance to empathize with them is enourmous. Hopefully, I’ll learn greater understanding with people like me whose positive flesh keeps us from living the life were created for. “I have come to misunderstand a little less completely.” C.S. Lewis.


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