Activity, Proximity, or Intentionality

Grown men are lonely in our culture. Though surrounded by people, “most men lead lives of quiet desperation.” No guy really knows them and they don’t take the time or risk to really know other guys. We put on our masks for our Christian friends…they put on their masks for us. We look at each other’s masks, never really seeing or knowing each other. That loneliness, anonymity and disconnection is dangerous. It’s the loneliness of the American male, Christian or not.

To overcome it, we connect through activity and proximity. Our passion for activities like golf, tennis, softball, college football, kid’s sports teams…these are magnets that draw men into relationships. Proximity? “The guy down the street.” “The guy I met at church.” “The guys at work.” “My friend from the gym.” We first connect because we’re in a place at the same time. Generally, we’re there because of some activity.

Think about it. Is this the best way to decide who’s going to be your life-long friend? Who’s going to be in your ‘inner circle’? Who’ll have significant influence with you over time? You’re ‘doing life’ with a guy because he can afford a house in your neighborhood? Be a member of your country club? Or spot you when you’re lifting weights?

As our kids moved into middle school, we paid close attention to who they hung out with. We steered them toward kids whose parents loved Jesus and away from kids who weren’t good influences. Our friends’ values rub off on us. Their choices affect us. Isn’t it a little crazy to settle for the “friend cards” the world deals us? Isn’t it unwise to let circumstances spawned by activities and proximities determine your friends?

It’s coming up on the end of the year….maybe it’s time for a “friend inventory.” Who has the Lord put in your life? Why might He have put them there? If He’s put ‘outsiders’ in your life….people who don’t know Christ…these may be people He wants you to invest in. Pray for. Love and serve. You may be the only Scripture they’ll ever read, so investing in them for spiritual purposes is crucial.

But there may be other ‘friends’ in your life you need to fire. They may be pulling you down instead of lifting you up. Leave them behind. Stop being available. Every person you hang with will push you toward God or pull you away from Him.

Instead, pick a guy whose life you admire…who can add value to your life and walk. Reach out to him. Ask him to breakfast or lunch. Tell him why. “I’m not selling anything….I’d just like to get to know you.” Meet. Eat. Talk. Share your story. Ask him to share his. Don’t ask for anything. In a month, do it again. And then again.

It’s likely you’ll have to initiate these meetings to begin with because most guys are relationally challenged and utilitarian in how they spend their time. It will feel awkward. Get over it. A real friendship, intentionally initiated, prayerfully pursued, and patiently developed over time, is worth the risk of being rejected. In fact, it’s worth far more…it’s priceless.

Question: Is God’s unconditional acceptance real to you? To the point that you would ‘cold call’ a potential friend and risk being turned down for a breakfast or lunch? Tell us in a comment here.