What to Do When a Mentee Says, “I’m Not Going to Make It”

What to Do When a Mentee Says, “I’m Not Going to Make It”

Posted by Regi Campbell on November 4, 2019

One of the distinguishing characteristics of Radical Mentoring is its requirement that everyone attends every meeting and shows up on time. Like many things, this was born of one motive but then morphed with a wonderful but unintended consequence.

In the beginning, I didn’t think it was fair for me, the mentor, to go to all the trouble of opening up my home, buying books, printing homework handouts, and preparing to facilitate a 3-hour conversation only to have guys not show. I’d experienced that repeatedly in Sunday school classes and other small groups. I’d felt taken advantage of and unappreciated. At the time, Radical Mentoring was just my deal; I set the rules as I thought best for everyone involved.

So, I wrote in the covenant . . .

“I am covenanting to attend every meeting and retreat, to be on time, and have my work done. No exceptions, unless providentially hindered . . . I will manage my other commitments around the dates . . .”

Amazingly, guys have honored this covenant commitment. Over 18 years, I can count the missed meetings on one hand. And the tardies on two. In one of my business ventures, there were over 1,500 employees with well over 100 managers and executives. I never experienced this kind of commitment from people under my authority.

Why is it important? I mean really . . . and why does it work?

  1. If it’s important to the leader, it’ll be important to the follower – When the mentor starts out emphasizing the importance of universal compliance, the mentees buy-in. It’s hard to say the words “no exceptions,” but when I do, I see the guys relax. They know what the standard is. They start focusing on how to comply versus how to escape. Maybe more than any other practice, the expectation for 100% attendance, timeliness, and homework completion has differentiated Radical Mentoring and made it attractive to younger men. It’s the Navy Seals of spiritual growth and leadership development.
  2. You only get one chance to start Leaders can relax a standard, but it’s almost impossible to tighten one. So, we press new mentors to be deliberate about this. Only with intentional emphasis will guys hear you and believe you mean it.
  3. Peer pressure is a positive There’s a sense of a shared burden in the group when everyone covenants to perfect attendance, timeliness, and doing the work. The allegiance is to the other guys in the group as much as to the mentor.
  4. Starting on time and ending on time We’ve all experienced sloppy meetings. Late-comers drifting in with full coffee cups. Food used as a stall to protect the late-comers. Small-talk that rolls five, ten, even fifteen minutes into the meeting time. Whether they’ll admit it or not, guys respect a leader (and a meeting) that’s predictable and begins on time. They also respect a leader who’ll land the plane and end the meeting on time.
  5. You can’t experience community if you aren’t there Maybe the most powerful argument for required attendance is what’s missed when someone isn’t there. The missing guy will never hear the dialogue. He can’t make up the conversation, the stories, and the emotion of guys doing life together. That community-building experience is lost and gone forever.

I hate to use these words, but I must. Trust me on this one. Set a clear expectation for 100% attendance, timeliness, and preparation. You and your guys will reap the benefits. I promise.

Scripture: Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ Anything more comes from the evil one. (Matthew 5:37)

Responses (1)

Bill Bredemeier
Bill Bredemeier Posted: November 4, 2019, 2:37 pm

This January 2020 will (Lord willing) note the start of my sixth Radical Mentoring group of young men here in West Michigan. Counting the two RM groups that will kick off in a few months, we have sixty-two (62) guys at Engedi Church that are either Radical Mentoring alums or will be RM newbies. So, we have some experience in leading Radical Mentoring groups.

That being said, I could not agree more with Regi’s standard of 100% punctual attendance with all homework prep done. My guys have risen to this standard (which is unheard of in the church world) when it is presented to them and then have accomplished it. I would never change that standard.

Feel free to contact me at (616) 836-7715 or ewbredemeier@gmail.com should you have any specific questions about this vital RM commitment level.

God Bless
Bill Bredemeier
Engedi Church

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