Switching Gears

Some of the ‘best practices’ from the business world can make marriages work better. Not all, but some. Here are three examples:

1. Commit and Communicate – Employees, venders, investors and customers want to follow a leader who exhibits that singular ‘all in’ commitment to his business or organization. They want to hear it . . . to know, not have to assume. Similarly, wives need to know we’re committed. “All in” for the long pull. Unconditionally. It can’t be assumed, implied, parsed, or “asterisked”. We have to tell them, and more than once.

2. Burn the ships – The leader who spreads his time and talent to multiple endeavors won’t garner as much respect and commitment from his people. Why would I choose to be more committed to something than its leader? At home, we will never have the wife of our dreams without exclusive commitment to her and her alone. All your energy needs to be focused on understanding and loving that one person.

3. Create an environment of acceptance – People are drawn to environments of acceptance and repelled by environments of rejection. A leader who creates a work environment of acceptance, positivity and love will gain the heart-felt commitment of employees. Do the same thing at home . . . remove all criticism of your wife – every single evidence of rejection or ‘not measuring up’. In that environment, a wife can flourish and will, over time, move in the direction of her husband.

On the other side, there are some work practices that never work out well at home. Here’s three…

1. Setting goals – Because we’re ‘under authority’ at work, we often set goals for ourselves and other people . . . performance expectations with timeframes. DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME! Setting goals together is one thing. Assigning goals for your mate doesn’t usually work out well.

2. Specialization of roles – At work, we divide duties and responsibilities based on skill and experience. I have a job, you have a job, he has a job . . . clear lines of responsibility. Go home and start assigning your wife roles and responsibilities . . . tell her what you’re going to do and what she’s going to do. You might end up in the emergency room.

3. Performance counseling – Jobs usually have some sort of regular performance review, counseling or feedback. Those higher in authority look at our work and tell us how we measure up. I don’t even need to say what might happen if you approach your wife this way.
There’s a bunch of things people do at work without thinking.

Most are constantly engrossed with their smartphones. Some avoid interaction with people by hiding behind their desktops. Others eat or drink constantly to stay ‘comforted’ or caffeinated. And some have their antennae up, always on the alert for whatever is wrong and ever-ready to call attention to it.

Are you carrying some of these home with you?

A few things that ‘work’ at work can help us at home, but in most cases we diminish our marriages and homes when we forget where we are and act at home like we do at work.

Make a conscious effort to ‘switch gears’ when you get home tonight.

Question “What do I do at work that I do at home without thinking?” Share here.