Why It’s Critical to Make Time for Stories
I’m regularly asked if the Story Retreat matters. I hear things like, “My mentees are busy…” “We don’t have time to get out of town…”
I also often hear from leaders that the Story Retreat was the most formative thing that happened in their groups. Their mentees share things like, “I’ve never told anyone this before…” “I thought I was the only one…”
Confession time. In one of my mentoring groups, instead of doing a Story Retreat, I spread their stories over our first three months of meetings…and I had serious regrets.
Yes, all my mentees shared their stories and heard everyone else’s stories, but our group’s growth was hindered because I didn’t make stories a priority. John Maxwell said, “The speed of the leader is the speed of the team,” and I couldn’t agree more.
We say often that the mentor sets the tone. It’s true in regards to the homework, and memory verses, and especially true with the Story Retreat.
Having a retreat specifically to share stories stresses the importance of our stories and allows the group to bond quickly. Not doing so has the opposite effect, the stories become just one of the activities you complete, instead of maybe the most important element, and the group takes longer to come together because the significance of that shared experience is lost.
The authors of The Cure describe, “A place so safe that the worst of me could be known, and I would discover that I would not be loved less, but more in the telling of it.” This is the Story Retreat defined…where the group forms trust and grace shows itself in the faces of the people gathered there.
Todd Conklin, a mentor from Tulsa, Oklahoma, describes the retreat this way…
“Once I created the vulnerability by sharing my story, I was surprised by the amount of vulnerability that came back at me through my mentees and their stories – there is just a lot of brokenness out there. I was shocked by some of the revelations mentees will share. They felt safe because we created a safe environment. People are looking for a community like that.”
In the Radical Mentoring resources for the Story Retreat, we offer three possible agendas: a weekend retreat, an overnight retreat, and a story day. We created three distinct options because we don’t want your group to miss out on what we believe will be a divine appointment for your mentees.
Challenge: Yes, your mentees are busy, and you are busy. That won’t change. But trust me, make the Story Retreat a priority. If it matters to you, it will be important to your mentees.
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Responses (8)
Kevin,
I want to really encourage your current and aspiring Radical Mentors to lean into the importance of being both intentional and reverent in creating space for the men to share their stories. I find that often times leaders hesitate to do this with their men for deep seeded reasons that are rooted in pride and/or fear. If it’s not their own pride and fear, it can be the pride and fear that they perceive in their men. In either case, perfect love casts out all fear, and above all sharing stories with each other is an incredible context by which to demonstrate, give, and receive unconditional love. As always, thank you for your encouragement and friendship!
Thanks Todd – no one knows the power of story like you do!
Could not agree more with Kevin. Though I work in a recovery program, the importance of men sharing their stories is ABSOLUTELY a huge moment in the life of your group. I always have men say that some of their story they have never shared before and it is VERY emotional. It bonds and builds the group incredibly fast.
I agree on the impact of the story retreat. It certainly helped me immediately bring a deeper level of care and trust.
Coincidentally, I created this summary briefing on the power of stories for my work. https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1pN-gC7AiKdoS5XYdoVksKCDoGilURu_mEHDjRenFxcI
I’m sold on stories and I want to be a lifelong collector and teller of stories!
Thanks for sharing this with our tribe Matt!
I struggled with this in my early years of mentoring. We’d do launch nite, get to know each other a little bit, then pull out the calendars to begin planning the year. Then I’d say, “It says here that we’re supposed to do a retreat so can we do that some weekend in the next month?” And the answer would be an emphatic “NO! Our schedules are already packed for the next six months.” So we’d do a story day instead. It’s OK, but it ain’t no retreat!
In recent years when I’m talking to new prospects I tell them, “Launch Nite is January 18th, and we will be doing a one-nite retreat out-of-town on February 17th or 24th. Please hold those dates open for us.” And we’ve almost always been able to get it done on one of those days. I recommend you try it this way. It works.
I think you are right Pat! When I wait to try to schedule it on launch night it is harder to pull off. If you give them the options earlier on in the process, you let them know how important the retreat is and have them saving the dates.
Great input from a long-term mentor!
I completely agree about the story retreat. In each of the past 2 years of RM, we’ve done this in our second meeting – it really sets the course for the rest of the semester. Guys opened up there and the remaining meetings. Trust was established early.