Think With Your Head, Not With Your Heart
A young friend sends me an email draft. He’s about to ‘blow the head off’ an important person in his business life. He’s frustrated . . . even justified to ‘tell it like it is.’ As an outsider to the situation, I see the emotion in his words. I hear his cry for help. But I know if he sends this email, the relationship is damaged and he’s going to be worse off than he is now.
“Think with your head, man. Not with your heart. How’s he going to react when he gets this? Is there anything here that’s going to draw him to you? Make him want to help? Or will it just make him hurt, angry and so unappreciated for what he’s already done that he withdraws further or turns on you completely?”
Almost nothing I’ve ever done out of raw, unfiltered emotion turned out well. The concept of ‘follow your heart’ is crap. Following your heart lands you in the ditch. Listening to your heart, being aware of your emotions, taking your own feelings into account as data points . . . yes. But falling into “Yeah, but I don’t care . . . I’m going to tell her what she’s doing,” or “I’m tired of this . . . I’m going to let him know how I feel,” rarely works out well.
Reacting is rarely better than responding. If you’re in the hospital and you hear the nurses say, “He’s having a reaction to the medicine,” that’s not good. But if you hear “He’s responding to the medication,” you probably feel better. Reacting is usually from the heart. Responding involves the head and the heart.
Think tennis. The ball comes flying over the net. You run, cock your racquet, and hit the ball. Hard. You reacted quickly. Swatted it. Good job. Except you hit it a mile past the back line. Or into the middle of your opponent’s sweet spot and he drove it down your throat. You didn’t think, you didn’t consider the angle of the ball’s flight, which direction your opponent was moving, or how competent you were at making that particular shot. You just hit it.
But when you respond, you bring both your head and your heart to the game. Your head brings perspective. It takes everything into account, at least everything it can pull up in a split second. Adding your ‘head’ to your ‘heart’ brings strategy to your energy. It brings a better outcome.
In relationships, it means fewer meals of ‘crow,’ eaten on the table of “I’m sorry for saying that . . . I don’t know what I was thinking.” That’s because you weren’t. You were reacting. Thinking with your heart.
Take a moment and listen to the word of God. Slow down and let Him work Truth into your heart . . . and your head.
“Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them.” (Proverbs 29:20)
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
“A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4)
“Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.” (Proverbs 21:23)
“A person finds joy in giving an apt reply- and how good is a timely word!” (Proverbs 15:23)
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Responses (18)
Timely advice!
I was about to make a huge mistake.
Thank you for your wisdom and insight.
I’ve had similar results with unfiltered “heart reactions.”
Never anything good.
Better to relax, reflect, and then respond.
Thanks Regi!
thanks I needed that today and each day….take care In His love and grace Bill Iredale
You’re welcome Hoo
Thanks for being on the journey with me Bill!
Regi,
This post sounds like many, many conversations you and I have had through the years, as you tried to keep me from doing something ragingly stupid. The tennis analogy has been enduring for me, particularly in negotiations.
Thank you.
Thanks John. It’s been a symbiotic journey I think.
Great post. I was one of these HeartFelt People for many years until a wise Pastor took me aside and laid out for me the same sentiment of words that you use. I can honestly say my life has turned for the better since that short walk around the block. This sage advice has propelled me into a different atmosphere of relationships.
Send that Pastor a note and tell him how God used him in your life. He needs encouragement today.
Hmm if only I could chisel that on my forehead backwards and look in the mirror before every conversation.
7 But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord.
9 Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth. 10 See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.”
Good word and so true!
What you say is soooo true! I love the way you take a truth and boil it down to the obvious. You pull us out of the forest so we can see the trees. Thanks for your ministry.
Sincerely,
A Fellow North Point(er)
Great message Regi. Giving into our hearts and emotions is so very easy, it’s the wise man who holds his tongue and gives thought to the situation.
Yes
Great stuff today….good solid wisdom. I know there have been times (phone call, in person, and email) where the heart pushed over the top of the head….but will try to focus more on the head before the tongue. Intentional thinking….hmm.
It’ll pay huge dividends.
Regi,
You absolutely knocked this one out of the park – fantastic!
Thanks brother!
Greg
thanks Greg
Enjoy reading your blogs. Can only read one at a time to be able to chew on the truth for awhile. My gratitude lies parallel with the same thanks after having a meal.