The Power of Self-Permission (Part I)

So a guy goes to his high school reunion and they pass out a directory with every classmates’ address and phone number. There’s the address of Arlene, his high school sweetheart (she was the homecoming queen and drop-dead gorgeous). He doesn’t think much of it…files away the directory and goes about his business.

A few years later, he gets a call from Arlene. She says “Hey, I’ve always felt we should’ve been together. My marriage is breaking up…my husband and I have no kids…let’s meet and catch up on old times!”

The guy’s marriage is solid. He loves his wife and kids. He’s strong in his faith, has a deep commitment to Jesus Christ and lives for Him. He says “Arlene, I could only meet with you if your husband is there too.” She drops the idea. They hang up and she disappears. He doesn’t hear from her for years.

Then one day, the guy’s wife hurts him badly. Says things that touch on his shame and make him feel deeply disrespected. In his anger and hurt, he jumps on his bicycle and starts riding. He’s just riding…talking to himself…when he remembers Arlene. He remembers where she lives and almost instinctively starts pedaling toward her house. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do when he gets there, but that’s where he’s headed.

This dude is about to sin. He’s in a battle that’s going to be almost impossible to win. He hasn’t inflicted damage on anyone…yet. But he’s put himself into a big-time fight.

So when did his battle with ‘sinning’ start? When he got mad from his wife’s hurtful words? When he got on his bike and stormed out of his house? When he remembered Arlene and started thinking about seeing her through her front window? Or when he began pedaling in her direction?

Author John Lynch₁ points to the moment the guy gave himself permission to do whatever with Arlene. To get his needs met somewhere because he wasn’t getting them met by his wife. Maybe even (subconsciously) to strike back at his wife by connecting with his high-school sweetheart.

For years, I’ve quoted this: “Spiritual battles are won or lost at the threshold of the mind.” Lynch says the threshold is where we’re hurt, ‘wronged’, bored, or ignored such that we grant ourselves permission to do something wrong. In a weird way, we turn sin into a reward for ourselves. Something we’re entitled to. It’s crazy thinking but it’s real. It’s like thinking this thing we’re about to do is somehow going to make us feel better when in fact, it’s about to make everything worse.

Lynch points to King David and Bathsheba. He says David’s sin didn’t start when he saw her bathing on the rooftop. It began when he didn’t go off to war. “I’ve battled for Israel all my life,” he might have thought. “This time, I’m giving myself permission to stay home.” From that permission and the sin that followed, all hell broke loose….literally. His family exploded with sin. Rape, murder and all the rest.

Have you secretly given yourself permission to do something you’re going to regret? Who’s hurt you so bad you feel entitled to go sin in response? Should you talk to someone about it? A friend? The person who did it? Jesus, maybe?

Check in on Monday to find out what happened with Arlene and the guy on the bike. We’ll share a way of getting through stuff like this with our marriages, families, and reputations in tact.

Question: Tell us here if this principle seems as powerful to you as it does to us.

¹ John Lynch is the author of On My Worst Day and Co-author of TrueFaced, The Cure, and Bo’s Café, all of which we heartily recommend.