I’m privileged to sit in rooms with dozens, scores, and sometimes hundreds of men around the country whose lives have been touched by Radical Mentoring.

Often, as part of an evening like that, we’re celebrating significant life change. A man stands at the front of the room and tells us about a restored marriage, a renewed faith, or a different relationship with his children. Just in the last couple of months I’ve witnessed five such stories at a large event in Ft. Worth, Texas as well as six stories at an event in Louisville, Kentucky. Those stories encourage all of us…and they are to be celebrated.

But a conversation with Parts Parthiban, a Radical Mentoring alum from 2018 and one of our Founder’s Club donors helped me think differently about the men sitting in those rooms.

Parts talked about the “blast radius” of a man’s life. A husband and father’s choices reach far beyond himself. If his life detonates, his wife and children are closest to the impact. Beyond the family, the damage can extend through friendships, workplaces, churches, and generations.

Then Parts gave me a word picture I haven’t been able to shake.

“Think of it this way. What if every man walks around with a grenade hanging around his neck?”

For some men, the pin has actually been pulled, but they are desperately squeezing the safety lever. Imagine they are clutching it inside a jacket. From the outside, we may never know absent their disclosure. They go to work, come to church, and stand beside us at their kid’s ballgames. Meanwhile, something in their life is much further off track than anyone realizes.

What if, through Radical Mentoring, the pin gets put back in? 

That thought stopped me.

When the fruit is what never happens

We celebrate the marriage that was restored. But what about the marriage that never fell apart? We hear about the father who found his way back to his children. But what about the father who changed direction before that distance ever opened up?

I think about those alumni celebrations differently now. There may be as many—or more—men sitting in the room whose story is the disaster that never happened. They may never stand at the front and tell it. Some may not even recognize how close they even came. 

Yet the lives protected matter every bit as much. Mentoring changes lives not only through the transformation we witness, but also through the struggles that never become disasters.

Radical Mentoring creates a relational environment for a man to be truthful and known. An older, more experienced man listens without turning away…the men from his group help him face what he has been hiding…together, they are all bringing their lives before Jesus…and faith gets practiced as a team sport.

By God’s grace, a life can begin to change direction before the struggle becomes visible or the blast ever occurs.

If you’re a mentor, you may wonder whether the conversations, prayers, and evenings around your table are making a difference. Especially when nobody has a dramatic story to tell.

Keep showing up. Keep asking the next question. Keep pointing men toward Jesus.

The man across the table has people connected to his life whom you may never meet. Your faithful investment in him may reach all of them. That’s how mentoring changes lives in ways we may never fully recognize.

Some fruit we get to celebrate. Some fruit only God sees.

Both are worth giving our lives to.